Not having been here since November, I feel like I've missed out on a lot. There's been a ton of new development and my friends are all going through different things than they were when I left. It's funny though, none of this really registers to me when I'm home, doing my thing, trying my best to not be a southerner in a world full of Yankees. But being here, back where I can honestly say I had some of my most life-defining moments, I realize maybe it's not the city itself that's changed so much, it's that maybe I've changed more than I have realized. And that's kind of a difficult concept to grasp, when you realize you're growing up, becoming an adult and learning to stand (feebly at times, solidly at others) on your own two feet.
Speaking of the future and changes and growing into yourself...I had the privilege of seeing my cousin get married this past weekend. The ceremony was absolutely gorgeous and wonderful, and I am so excited for him to start his life with his new bride. I know they're meant for each other and are going to have a wonderful marriage, and I'm sure it's going to be something I envy in years to come. So here is a man I've always looked up to, who has been more of a brother to me than a cousin, who has always been there for me and has given me some of the best life advice I could ever ask for. I remember having a conversation with him a couple of years ago, when he first started dating his now wife, about dating and relationships and fun stuff like that. I had just started my first full-time job (my first "real job") and I remember telling him how I couldn't believe we're grown ups now, and he replied...speak for yourself, I'm certainly not grown up. Fast forward to Friday night's ceremony, and he's standing at the altar, and I'm starting to tear up (yes, I'm a total basket case). Here, standing in front of me, ten feet away from me, was a guy who I've spent my entire life growing up with, who somehow, overnight, had become a man (yes, man, and I don't refer to guys as men very often, it's far too often they don't deserve the title) standing in front of me, waiting at the altar to get married. There was something different about his persona that day, he was stronger and more put together than I'd ever seen him before in my life. Nervous as no other, that's for sure, I could see it all over his face. But he was a grown up, an adult, a man, and it just made me realize how much the little things matter when you're growing up. How it seems to happen over night, and how we don't realize it, but something's constantly working in us to change us and grow us and bring us in to the person we're supposed to become.
Watching him at the altar, waiting patiently for the moment he could see his wife walk down the aisle for the first time, I realized that as much as he's changed over the past year, I've changed over the last nine months; I've become someone I definitely wasn't when I moved. I don't even recognize the girl in the pictures anymore, she's become a distant shadow in my heart now. I've become stronger, much more independent, a little more sassy, a lot more confident, throw in some boldness and a dash of sarcasm and you've got me, nine months later. It's kind of crazy, but I think it fits me. I finally understand what it means to grow into yourself, and I'm pretty proud of where I'm at at this point in my life and excited to see where the future takes me.
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